Question: My child is having troubles in school, but is so frustrated that she doesn't want to study. How can I help?
Answer:
While it can certainly be difficult to watch your child struggle, this is also a great chance to nurture important life skills, such as perseverance and stress management. Resist the urge to hire a tutor right away, and brainstorm with your child how she can navigate the situation and improve. Because she's already frustrated, take an empathetic approach: Talk about how hard it is to struggle in a particular subject (maybe you have a similar experience to share) and how it's not an all-or-nothing deal. Just because a certain subject isn't coming easily--or even if she gets a failing grade--that doesn't mean she's a failure. The goal isn't just to get a better grade, but to help her learn to problem-solve.
Reframe the situation as a puzzle she can figure out.
The next step is to discuss how she can budget her time and energy to put in the extra work. Talk to the teacher for pointers to support and guide your child's efforts. For example, when it comes to homework, it might be best to tackle the difficult subject first, when her focus is fresh. Or she could try exercising or listening to music to relax before she jumps into her studies.
A tutor should come into play only after you've tried your own plan for a set time, which you can discuss with the teacher. Defaulting to outside help sends your child the message that she can't do this on her own, when she might very well be able to. Working through a setback will give her the confidence to take on other challenges that come her way.
Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD
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