Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts

Saturday, September 5, 2020

Parenting, Unplugged

  By Jan Pinborough

The Savior spoke four simple words: “Behold your little ones.” The Nephites turned their eyes toward their children. And what followed is among the most sacred events in all of scripture. (See 3 Nephi 17:23-24).

I first experienced “beholding” when my first daughter was a newborn. Her small, insistent cry had awakened me at about midnight, and I was getting ready to feed her when it happened. She opened her eyes wide and looked for several long, precious moments straight into my eyes. As she and I truly “beheld” each other for the first time, I sensed something about the eternal bond we would share.

The study of neurobiology has confirmed the vital importance of parent-child “beholding”. According to neurobiologist Dr. Allan N. Score, the non-verbal communication of “mutual gaze” is essential to the proper development of the infant brain. In later years, this connection remains crucial to the development of the minds, hearts, and spirits of our growing children. 

“Beholding” is not giving a casual, distracted glance. It is the act of attending to another with the heart and mind. It is giving the kind of focused attention that says, “I see you. You are important to me.”

For today’s parents, this kind of beholding often requires the discipline to unplug, a conscious choice to turn away from our screens and turn off our digital devices. It may mean resisting the temptation to check our text messages or scroll through social media posts. It may involve thoughtfully establishing personal and family media rules, setting boundaries that will protect the sacred time that we give to one another in our families daily.

By striving to more fully and more frequently behold our little ones, we will nourish our children’s sense of worth, enrich our relationships with one another, and enjoy more of those sacred moments when we see into the hearts of our children. 

Disconnect and Listen with Love

“The answer to our prayer of how to meet our children’s needs may be to more often technologically disconnect. Precious moments of opportunity to interact and converse with our children dissolve when we are occupied with distractions. Why not choose a time each day to disconnect from technology and reconnect with each other? Simply turn everything off. When you do this, your home may seem quiet at first; you may even feel at a loss as to what to do or say. Then, as you give full attention to your children, a conversation will begin, and you can enjoy listening to each other.” -Rosemary M. Wixom 

Saturday, March 14, 2020

Your 31-Day Guide to Living Happier and Healthier via Good Housekeeping

1. Stock up on citrus.

When you see all those gorgeous in-season grapefruits, oranges, clementines, and pomelos in the produce aisle, grab an armful! Winter citrus can help keep skin looking healthy thanks to vitamin C, which aids in collagen production. In fact, an American Journal of Clinical Nutrition study found that people who ate foods high in vitamin C had fewer wrinkles and less age related dry skin than those who didn't. Try clementine sections sprinkled with pistachios or sweet grapefruit dipped in Greek yogurt for a snack.

2. Make veggies the stars.

Whether you're slimming down or just staying well, vegetables are your friends, says GH's M.D. Dr. Mehmet Oz. He had women try 10 diets for the Great Diet Showdown episode of his show. Tiffany, who lost 31 pounds, says, "I saute onions, peppers, mushrooms, corn--whatever I have in the freezer--and toss that on a bed of baby arugula and spinach."

3. Book all your doctor visits.

Open your calendar app and make your appointments for the year in one sitting--not only will you get the anxiety inducing nuisance over with, but exams will be less likely to get squeezed out as life gets bonkers. Start with your GP, and ask which screenings (e.g. mammogram, colonoscopy) you're due for. Slot those in, then move on to the dentist's office, etc.

4. Share resolutions--carefully.

This year you're gonna drop 10 pounds! But before you post your intent on Facebook, hold up: "Some research shows that telling others your goal makes you feel like you've already achieved it," says Dr. Oz. But other studies indicate that sharing progress can help you keep going, he adds. Dr. Oz's advice: Confide in one friend, "then share achievements with others when you're on the road to success."

5. Get a plant.

Swing by the garden center after brunch this weekend. Just the presence of indoor plants can lower human stress levels, research shows, and one study found that actively caring for plants calmed the autonomic nervous system and lowered blood pressure. And when people work near plants, they report greater concentration, satisfaction, and perceived air quality.

6. Do. One. Thing. At. A. Time.

Multitasking doesn't make you more efficient, but it does stress you out, says mindfulness expert Pedram Shojai, author of The Art of Stopping Time. "If your focus is fragmented, you'll likely find yourself getting anxious as new items come up when old ones are still incomplete," he says. Instead, he suggests, organize your activities into chunks of time, such as kid time and cooking time, and then "commit to being focused in that allotted time and see what happens."

7. Scent your space.

Because smell is associated with the parts of the brain that process emotion and store memories, certain aromas can affect mood, says olfactory expert Rachel Herz, PhD., author of The Scent of Desire. Research shows that vanilla makes people more relaxed and joyful (mmm, baking), while peppermint can boost energy and lavender can zap stress.

8. Be a stair master.

Take 10 minutes to run up the stairs in your office or at home. A 2017 student in the journal Physiology & Behavior found that tired women who climbed stairs for 10 minutes got a bigger energy boost than those who had the caffeine equivalent of a can of soda or half a cup of coffee (and burned calories, too!).

9. Decorate with history.

In happy and long-lived cultures, people often display items from their families' pasts, says The Blue Zones of Happiness author Dan Buettner. "They remember and honor where they come from," he says. "We find that in happier cultures around the world, folks feel like part of a continuum." So hang your grandparents' wedding portrait or put meaningful memorabilia on shelves.

10. Un-ick your phone.

Like, now! We check our phones 47 times a day on average, according to a recent survey from the professional services firm Deloitte, and if you've taken yours into the ladies' room, you're not the only one. But that means phones carry about 10 times as much bacteria as most toilet seats, says Charles Gerba, PhD., a microbiologist  and professor at the University of Arizona, Tuscon. (British research even found that one in six devices was contaminated with E. coli.)

11. Plan your getaway.

Women who vacation at least twice a year have a lower heart attack risk than those who do so rarely. And researchers have found that even thinking about an upcoming trip can boost happiness for weeks.

12. Do yoga with your honey.

A Sunday morning couples' class could make Sunday afternoon much more fun. Experts at Loyola's Sexual Wellness Clinic believe partner yoga helps couples get more comfortable with each other's bodies, a boon for better sex. Solo yoga can increase enjoyment as well, affecting arousal, desire and satisfaction--the practice helps relax your mind and strengthen pelvic muscles.

13. Listen for motivation.

Exercisers who saved an audiobook for the gym worked out 51% more often than those who didn't, per a study in Management Science.

14. Pitch in to make a difference.

Research shows that pitching in regularly can lead to less stress and lower blood pressure. So use this day to jump-start a longer-term personal commitment and volunteer to clean up a park or help at an animal shelter.

15. Dive into hydrotherapy.

Feeling sore? Clients at The Spa at Rancho Valencia in Rancho Santa Fe, CA, switch between 10 minutes in a hot sauna and 30 seconds in a 60 degree bath, a treatment known as hydrotherapy. "The drastic temperature change increases blood flow and flushes out lactic acid," says spa director Kristi Dickinson, making them feel energized. Research suggests that hydrotherapy may aid in muscle recovery more than a day of rest. For at-home treatment, end a shot shower with a burst of ice-cold water.

16. Try just one move.

Plyometric exercises get you fast results, says GH fitness partner Jillian Michaels. Try burpee push-ups (squat and place hands on floor; jump feet into plank; drop chest to ground and perform a push-up; jump feet forward to squat position; jump up, reaching hands over head, and repeat sequence for 30 seconds; rest; do two more sets).

17. Dump the shores.

Money can't buy happiness--buy it can buy time, which is the next best thing. A large 2017 study found that people who spent money on time-saving services, such as using TaskRabbit to get someone to clean out the garage, obtained greater life satisfaction and happiness than those who shelled out for material goods. If money is tight, take on the least favorite chore of a friend and have her do the same.

18. Tidy up to eat less.

If you can hardly see your counters through all the papers, Post-its and not-yet-put-away groceries, you may pay for that chaos on the scale. In one study, researchers found that when women were surrounded by clutter, they tended to eat more cookies--especially when stressed. Take 20 minutes to whisk it all where it belongs, and you may eat more mindfully in days to come.

19. Sport cute exercise gear.

Spend the afternoon shopping for workout clothes that flatter your body: studies show that what we wear affects the way we feel, which impacts our ability to get stuff done, says Hajo Adam, PhD., a professor at Rice University. It's a phenomenon known as "enclothed cognition," and it's as true in Zumba as at work.

20. Follow your curiosity.

Another sleepy Sunday? Today's the day you try Ethiopian food, attend a ballet or take a painting class--whatever feels fun. When researchers followed 7,500 people for 25 years, they found that those who complained of major boredom were roughly twice as likely to die from heart disease.

21. Play your song.

Blasting any happy-making tune can work multiple mind-body wonders including reducing pain during exercise, elevating mood and lowering stress, research shows. So make a playlist--any songs that float your spirit will do the job.

22. Take back your lunch break.

If you scarf your sammie at your desk while skimming the Web, you're in good company: Only one in five Americans actually takes a lunch break, according to a survey, even though doing so has been linked to increased productivity.

23. Donate old clothes.

Bye-bye, too-tight jeans. "Keeping smaller clothes as motivation to slim down is baloney," says Kit Yarrow, PhD., a psychologist at Golden Gate University, "and it tends to backfire." Studies show that muffin-top shaming doesn't help, but focusing on being healthy does. After taking your clothes to Goodwill drop-off, take a lighter-cooking class or meet a pal for a hike.

24. Be your owl pen pal.

When your inner critic picks up her bullhorn, jot down the kind words you'd say to a friend in the same situation. "We have such a hard time channeling compassion for ourselves," says Emma Seppala, PhD., of Stanford's Center for Compassion and Altruism Research. "Writing it down makes it easier to shift perspective."

25. Switch up your routine.

Any exercise is good for you, but one study found that people who worked out in multiple ways were less likely to have shortened telomeres, the DNA segments on the ends of chromosomes that tend to break down as we age (longer telomeres are thought to be an indication that a body is aging slowly). Sign up for tai chi, rock climbing, crew, and Pilates.

26. Rethink your entryway.

Make the chaotic zone by the door a calm, happy space, advises Carly Moeller, founder of interior design firm Unpatterned. Set up simple systems (a mail basket, a shoe bench, hooks) for tidying. Then move art or flowers from the living room and invest in a mirror or a colorful rug. "You can be a little cheeky because its a small area."

27. Snooze to get close.

Getting sufficient rest can make you feel ready for action. A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women who got more sleep had more desire the next day and an overall easier time becoming aroused. Every additional hour they slept increased their likelihood of having sex by 14%. So skip late-night Web searches and hit the hay.

28.  Get new kicks.

Shop in the afternoon, when feet are slightly swollen to get the right size and avoid pinchy shoes. Bring your old pair so shoe store staff can assess which areas are most worn so as to suggest a pair with appropriate support for your gait. Do squats while trying on new shoes. If the shoes are properly supportive, your knee should move over your foot, not inward.

29. Pay yourself a compliment.

Repeat after us: "Today is my day. I'm thankful for me." Positive self-talk can help you focus on what's good in your life, says psychologist Joy Harden Bradford, PhD. Research shows that a little gratitude can make you feel happier and more satisfied and even improve your sleep. "If you repeat an affirmation related to gratitude in the morning, you're likely to show and feel more of it throughout that day," Bradford says.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Excerpts from The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Take, for instance, studies from the past decade examining the impacts of exercise on daily routines. When people start habitually exercising, even as infrequently as once a week, they start changing other, unrelated patterns in their lives, often unknowingly. Typically, people who exercise start eating better and becoming more productive at work. They smoke less and show more patience with colleagues and family. They use their credit cards less frequently and say they feel less stressed. It's not completely clear why. But for may people, exercise is a keystone habit that triggers widespread change. "Exercise spills over," said James Prochaska, a University of Rhode Island researcher. "There's something about it that makes other good habits easier."

Studies have documented that families who habitually eat dinner together seem to raise children with better homework skills, higher grades, greater emotional control, and more confidence. Making your bed every morning is correlated with better productivity, a greater sense of well-being, and stronger skills at sticking with a budget. It's not that a family meal or a tidy bed causes better grades or less frivolous spending. But somehow those initial shifts start chain reactions that help other good habits take hold.

If you focus on changing or cultivating keystone habits, you can cause widespread shifts. However, identifying keystone habits is tricky. To find them, you have to know where to look. Detecting keystone habits means searching out certain characteristics. Keystone habits offer what is known within academic literature as "small wins." They help other habits flourish by creating new structures, and they establish new cultures where change becomes contagious.

Small wins are exactly what they sound like, and are part of how keystone habits create widespread changes. A huge body of research has shown that small wins have enormous power, an influence disproportionate to the accomplishments of the victories themselves. "Small wins are steady application of small advantage," one Cornell professor wrote in 1984. "Once a small win has been accomplished, forces are set in motion that favor another small win." Small wins fuel transformative changes by leveraging tiny advantages into patterns that convince people that bigger achievements are within reach.

"Small wins do not combine in a neat, linear, serial form, with each step being a demonstrable step closer to some predetermined goal," wrote Karl Weick, a prominent organizational psychologist. "More common is the circumstance where small wins are scattered. . . .like miniature experiments that test implicit theories about resistance and opportunity and uncover both resources and barriers that were invisible before the situation was stirred up."

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Just Chill via Better Homes and Gardens

Meditation is for you! Even if you can't picture sitting perfectly still or completely quieting your brain, you can meditate--and tap into its many health benefits. Keep reading to find a style that's the right fit.

Thanks to an ever-expanding body of research showing an almost endless list of benefits--including lower blood pressure, less anxiety, relief from chronic pain, just to name a few--meditation has truly gone mainstream. Schools are teaching it to kids to help them stress less and perform better; airlines, including Virgin Atlantic and Delta, have in-flight meditation options; and even the United States Marines have offered mindfulness training before deployments.

With so much evidence piling up, why aren't we all booking one-way tickets to the Land of Zen? We can't sit still. Our mind wanders. We're too busy.

Forget the excuses. First off, time isn't truly a barrier, says psychologist Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D., author of Uncovering Happiness: Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion. Goldstein's research found that meditating five minutes a day, five days a week was enough to lower stress and even enhance the connection you feel with others.

Second, you don't have to sit completely still at a specific time. "Meditation and mindfulness can be woven throughout your day, wherever you are," Goldstein says. "You might take a mindful walk focusing on your footsteps or pause in your morning shower to pay attention to how the water feel on your skin. It's all about finding what works for you."

The biggest and most practical benefits of practicing meditation or weaving moments of mindfulness into your day: You'll enjoy life more while managing the constant juggling act. "Practicing meditation and being more mindful allows you to be more present for your family, your job, your workout--everything."

Not quite sure how to do it? Our guide will get you started.

Try a mindful moment doing dishes. As you wash, focus on the warmth of the water, the smoothness of the dishes, the tickle of the suds.
Ready, Set, Focus
Meditation isn't about emptying your head of thoughts, it's about bringing focus to them. "When you realize your mind is wandering, that's the moment meditation starts to work its magic," Goldstein says. The process of noticing your thoughts drifting, and the effort you make to bring them back (without criticizing yourself), builds your inner patience and calm. That's why meditation is called a practice.

What's Your Meditation Type?

All forms of meditation work in a similar way: You choose something to focus on--your breath, an image--and when your mind wanders, you gently bring it back. The key is finding a style that works for you. Here's a snapshot of four types. Take your pick!

1.  Mindful meditation

In a nutshell: Mindfulness is about being aware of your thoughts, emotions, and environment in a nonjudgmental way; you're staying in the present and observing everything you're feeling and thinking. "Mindfulness is about accepting our feelings and thoughts as they are," says Michelle Becker, an instructor at the UC San Diego Center for Mindfulness.

How it works: You can do this anywhere: at home, in the office, on hold with customer service. Begin by focusing on your breath. Each time your mind drifts, bring your attention back. Don't criticize. Instead of thinking, I'm so bad at this, think, Ah, welcome back.

2.  Mantra meditation

In a nutshell: This technique involves choosing a mantra--typically a one- or two-styllable soud or word that you silently repeat to yourself. This allows you to be in a restful yet alert state, says Anjali Bhagra, M.D., associate professor of medicine and chair of Mayo Clinic's Integrative Medicine and Health program.

How it works: Sit in a comfortable position and begin silently repeating your word. "Om" is a popular one, but choose any word or sound that you like. As you become more practiced, you may make your mantra a quality you'd like to have more of: patience, compassion, joy.

3. Walking meditation

In a nutshell: This is basically an on-the-go form of mindful meditation, but instead of focusing your awareness on your breath, you're noticing the sensations of walking, says Becker, who suggests beginning by practicing in your backyard. Eventually, you can move to somewhere calm like a nature preserve, then start weaving it into your daily life: walking mindfully across the parking lot to your office, while shopping, or to meet a friend.

How it works: Start in a standing position, noticing how your feet feel. Do you feel pressure where your feet are in contact with the ground? Start walking, paying attention to how your weight shifts from one side of your body to the other. Notice how it feels as you lift your foot, place your heel down, prepare for your next step. Continue walking, and any time your mind wanders from focusing on how you're walking, gently bring it back.

4. Guiding meditation

In a nutshell: This is based on the theory that your body can respond to imagery as it would to a genuine experience. (Need proof? Imagine yourself sucking on a lemon right now.) Guided meditation typically uses a script to walk you through a relaxing, enjoyable scenario to promote calm.

How it works: With each breath, imagine yourself inhaling IN relation and exhaling OUT tension. As your body relaxes, picture yourself at the beach or another calming, pleasant place. Imagine the scene in detail, using all of your senses: Feel the sun's rays warming your skin and the sand between your toes; listen to the waves crashing; see the bright blue sky.

Try a mindful moment waiting in line. Silently repeat to yourself: "May the cashier by happy and at ease." It can help defuse an irritating situation.
Benefits of Prayer
When neuroscientist Andrew Newberg, M.D., author of How Enlightenment Changes Your Brain, asked nuns to pray while being monitored by a brain scanner, he noticed that the changes taking place were similar to those of seasoned meditators. If you pray regularly, you're likely already reaping benefits of meditation, including less anxiety and a sharpened sense of focus and calm. Likewise, people who meditate enjoy the science-backed advantages of prayer, such as decreased blood pressure and enhanced immune response.

Go from Om to Zzz
If your favorite part of yoga is the last five minutes when you drift into stillness and emerge feeling rejuvenated, then you'll probably love yoga nidra, or sleep meditation. In this guided meditation, a calming voice leads you from a waking to dreaming state and ultimately, into deep sleep. Don't be fooled by the name: Yoga nidra doesn't involve traditional asana poses, says Karen Brody, founder of the Bold Tranquility, a yoga nidra meditation company for women and author of the forthcoming book Daring to Rest. Yoga nidra can be an easy way to start exploring meditation because you can practice it when falling asleep or if you wake up in the middle of the night.

This Is How We Meditate
"I use a pair of high-quality, over-ear headphones to accompany my favorite guided mediation apps or ambient music. I use them nearly exclusively for meditation, so they feel distinctive in their purpose, and they help me have an immersive experience. When I see them, I'm subtly reminded to do my daily meditation practice." -Anastasia Alt, 27, founder of Dream Space

"I'm a working mom of a special needs child, and my life often feels hectic and filled with a million to-dos.  When a friend of mine urged me to try a meditation app, I was hesitant, but I tried it and was instantly hooked. Meditating makes me feel better about myself, which inspires me to make better choices for my family and myself. Now, I do the app's Commuting Meditation while taking the train to and from work, and I use the deep sleep meditations before bed. Bonus: My son likes to fall asleep to it, too." -Lisa Quinones-Fontanez, 40, blogger

"I'm a really active person, so sitting for any length of time is a challenge. Walking meditation is my thing. I do my best mediations running on the beach or hiking, and if I'm moved to sit, I plunk myself down in nature." -Tracy Barone, 53, author of Happy Family

Try a mindful moment brushing your teeth. Don't zone out. Focus on the circular, repetitive movement of the toothbrush and the taste of the toothpaste.
Kid Zone
Children are naturally good meditators; they're living very much in the moment. "Considering the overscheduled culture in which kids are growing up, it means a lot for them to be able to just stop and be calm without having to perform or be judged," explains Elina Snel, author of Sitting Still Like a Frog: Mindfulness Exercises for Kids.

Around age 5 is a good time to introduce meditation in a relaxed, simple way by encouraging kids to pay attention to their breath, Snel says. She recommends this basic exercise for kids and adults to do together.

Sit in a comfortable spot on the floor with legs crossed. Ask your child to place her right hand flat on the floor in front of her, fingers spread. (You do the same.) Begin by touching the base of your right thumb with a finger from the left hand, slowly moving up along the thumb while inhaling quietly, Once you've both reached the top of your thumbs, move slowly back down while Move on to the remaining fingers, inhaling as you move up and exhaling as you come back down. Repeat with the other hand.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Future-Proof Your Finances via Women's Day

Future You: The Devoted Caregiver

People in their 40s, 50s, and 60s have a trio of obligations to worry about--college for their kids, retirement savings for themselves, and caring for an older parent," says Jean Chatzky, financial expert and author of Age Proof. "You can borrow for college if you have to. You can kick retirement down the road a few years if you must. But when it comes to aging parents, you often can't put it off, and you can't exactly say no." And we don't. Nearly 30% of Americans with a parent age 65 or older help Mom or Dad out financially, according to the Pew Research Center--and that's actually more common in lower-income households.

Mind Your Money

You may not need to know every bank password and outstanding bill at this point, but you do need to know what your parents want life to look like as they age and whether you'll be on the hook to help, says Chatzky. "People tend to avoid these conversations, so I suggest the 70/40 rule. When a parent hits 70 or a child hits 40, it's time to talk," she says. Lean on a pro to make these chats less awkward. Start by calling the investment firm that houses your parent's IRA or 401K--many offer simple and free retirement online tools. Or search the Garrett Planning Network (garrettplanningnetwork.com), which has a database of fee-only financial planners who charge by the hour without long-term commitments. A financial planner can also help create a checklist of paperwork to pull together, such as power of attorney forms, and designate beneficiaries on bank accounts, investments, and insurance policies.

Long-Term Tip

Resist the urge to quit your job to care for an aging parent--even if it feels like most of your paycheck is covering the cost of a home health aide. "There are so many added benefits to working--your health insurance, your employer's 401K contribution--that it can be very expensive to step away," says Kathy Murphy, president of personal investing at Fidelity Investments. She recommends that new caretakers consider other options, such as a short-term sabbatical or going part-time, instead of quitting.

Whether or not you're working, you shouldn't shoulder the cost of caregiving alone. Though daughters are more likely to provide hands-on support than their brothers, all siblings should sit down and discuss who will pay for what. Chatsky suggests dividing recurring bills so someone is in charge of each on rather than trying to split total monthly expenses. The AARP Foundation can connect you with government programs to help aging adults with everything from medical expenses to energy bills.

Future You: Suddenly Single

Women outlive men by nearly five years on average in the U.S., and late-life splits have spiked in recent decades.

Mind Your Money

The time to become actively involved in your finances is now. "If you don't know what's going on financially, having to step in when you're under the stress of divorce or the death of a spouse is really, really tough," says Chatsky.

Sit down together for a financial checkup: How much does your partner make (10% of people get this number wrong by $25,000 or more!), how much do you have in savings and retirement, where is the money invested, and what are the log-in credentials for all the financial accounts? Then, if you don't already have them, think about opening up your own bank account, credit card, and retirement savings. "This forces you to keep an active hand in managing your money--and it means you can save more for retirement," says Chatsky.

Long-Term Tip

Whatever circumstances leave you single, financial experts agree that the smartest money move you can make in the immediate aftermath is this: Do nothing. Don't sell the house. Don't invest the inheritance. Don't quit your job. "Try not to make any major decisions for at least a couple of months--ideally a year," says Michelle Singletary, personal finance columnist and author of The 21-Day Financial Fast. Reorienting to a new reality takes time, and rushing may mean you make decisions you (or your wallet) will regret. Singletary suggests reaching out to a budget counselor from debtadvice.org and whomever you turn to for emotional support: "When everything's a mess, coming up with the  new budget is pretty straightforward. It's dealing with the sadness, the loss, and the resentment that makes it hard to adjust and stick to the new plan."

Future You: Time to Downsize

Just 25% of pre-retirees in their 50s feel financially prepared to fund a retirement that lasts even 10 years.

"Many people think retirement is something that's going to happen far off in the future," says Singletary. "But health problems, reorgs, or layoffs could all result in job loss--and you're not guaranteed to get a new job or one that pays as well." While more than half of workers say they expect to still be working after they turn 65, less than 15% of today's retirees actually managed to keep working that long.

Mind Your Money

"Too many women are good savers but have no confidence investing," says Murphy. "But if you're just putting money in a savings account, you're actually losing money," she says, because of inflation. Instead, take a closer look at your 401K or IRA. How is your money invested? Does that level of risk tolerance still make sense? Could you bump up your contributions in case you have to leave the workforce five or 10 years earlier than expected? Running those numbers can be hugely motivating, she says.

Long-Term Tip

If you do leave work early, "keep looking for that new job, but reduce your spending right away," says Singletary. Also, Chatsky points out that more people in their 50s and 60s are padding their wallets by driving for Lyft or renting out a spare room through Airbnb.

Extra money aside, you may still need to consider moving to a smaller house to save on mortgage and maintenance, tapping into the equity of your current home, or even taking Social Security earlier than expected. "When our plans change, it can be very stressful to try something unfamiliar," says Chatsky. "But you want to make sure you have the right information and tools to make a rational decision." Your 97-year-old self will thank you.

What to Do With an Inheritance
Financial expert Jean Chatsky's steps for managing a windfall

1. Spend a little

Go ahead and let yourself splurge with 10% of the money. "You could take a trip to honor your loved one or buy a special piece of jewelry in remembrance," says Chatsky.

2. Pay off debt

The bulk of the money should go toward paying off high-interest debt (like credit card), then into a bank account until you've saved six months of living expenses.

3. Invest the rest

With any extra cash, max out your retirement savings before you pay off your mortgage. "Homes tend to be cheap debt," say Chatsky. "But if you invest the money--especially if you get a company match--you could end up with a healthy nest egg."

Friday, August 11, 2017

Leap of Faith via Women's Day

One summer, I got out of my middle-aged rut by acting like a kid again.

By Kerry Egan

"Just jump!" a chorus of children yelled from the base of the diving board. I bounced up and down with my back to the pool. Then I nodded at them and took a few deep breaths. I bounced some more and threw my legs into the air. The world went topsy-turvy, and my feet hit the water. At the age of 43 and after weeks of trying, I'd finally done a backflip.

Facing My Fears
When was the last time you learned how to do something that scared you? For me, it was the backflip. Before that, I don't remember. Avoiding challenges just seemed to creep up on me without my noticing as I got older. Part of it was fear, to be honest, and part was complacency and the busy-ness of live in middle age.

As I practiced the backflip, the kids seemed to take it for granted that I would do belly flops or land hard on om back. And they freely commented on my failures. "Looked like that hurt." "You need to get higher." "It's like you just freaked out in the middle of the air." "That was so bad." The teenage boys laughed at me like hyenas. Of course, they laughed at one another like hyenas, too.

But they weren't being mean. They didn't seem to be implying that I should be embarrassed or stop trying. They offered tips and would answer my questions as they waited to do their own crazy spins and giant cannonballs. There was something strangely liberating in the tacit understanding that I was terribly right now, but I'd get better.

The adults never acknowledged my attempts until I actually did the backflip. "That was so great!" one said. "It makes me think I could do it, too," commented another."

"If I can, you can," I told them.

They smiled and shook their heads. "I don't understand how you don't care about messing up or looking bad, about people seeing you," one of them added.

It's true: Some people will judge. But while getting older might make me more afraid of hurting myself, it's done the opposite to my fear of embarrassment. It's a sweet and liberating trade-off.

The Wisdom of Age
"I always thought I'd have more time," a 104-year-old woman said every time I saw her. She was a hospice patient, and I was visiting her as a chaplain. She realized the humor in her comment, but it was the truth, she insisted. Even after more than a century on earth, she was surprised at how quickly her life had gone by, how little time it really was, when she looked back over all of it.

"I wish I'd realized just how young I was 20 years ago," she used to say.

Twenty years ago, she'd been 84.

You'll never again be as young as you are now. You'll never have as much time to overcome your fears as you do in this moment. These are cliches, but they're more accurate than we often care to admit.

So that leaves us with some decisions: Fail to try what we yearn to do, or stop caring back potential judgment. Regret that we did not learn how to fly through the air backward into cold, waiting water 20 years ago, or decide to learn now. Remain mired in the fears of our younger selves, or embrace the liberation of aging. We get to choose.

Kerry Egan is a hospice chaplain and writer. Her most recent book is On Living.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

The Bargain Hunter via Better Homes and Gardens

Kate Jackson knows how to stretch her decorating dollars. Here are some of her favorite shopping spots and money-saving tips:

1. Hardware stores brim with good stuff--seriously! What to look for: cutting boards, simple glassware, door knockers, and cabinet hardware.

2. Shop consignment stores for dressers and beds that are well-made, well-designed, and dirt cheap. If it's ugly, paint it. But use good paint.

3. You don't need a whole set of expensive bedding to make a statement. Shop retail outlet stores for decorative Euro shams, then dress the rest of the bed in white. (It's classic and inexpensive).

4. Always carry your key measurements with you, so you don't waste time or money on something that won't fit.

5. Be an equal-opportunity consumer. Shop everywhere--outlet stores, estate and yard sales, eBay, online--and always negotiate.

6. What's totally splurge-worthy? Custom window treatments. "They have a huge impact on any room," Kate says.

Protect Your Hair via Allure

Hair Power

Coloring hair can cause it to become dry, dull, and brittle, but certain kinds of antioxidants may offer substantial protection. Moon-Moo Kim, a chemist affiliated with Dong-Eui University in South Korea, exposed hair samples to hydrogen peroxide or ammonia, ingredients in many permanent hair dyes (light or dark). Treating hair first with elm extract, which contains procyanidins--a flavonoid also found in cocoa, red wine, and apples--reduced surface damage and protein breakdown and increased hair strength. Procyanidins have been found to promote hair growth in cases of balding; they may also protect hair against oxidative stress from perming, sunlight, and aging, the study suggests. Elm extract is in some botanical products, such as select Nurture My Body shampoos and conditioners and Kinky-Curly Knot Today detangler.

How to Sign an Email via Allure

Too many email signatures try way too hard, with their inspirational quotes, cute photos, and lines of boilerplate. Will Schwalbe, coauthor of Send: Why People Email So Badly and How You Can Do It Better offers some common-sense guidelines.

Keep it straight

"Don't get creative with colored text, fonts, or pictures. When your email goes from one system to another, those twee touches are often delivered as attachments. The best type design is black text in Arial or Times New Roman."

Post no bills

"Skip lines like 'Please save our environment by not printing this email unless you have to.' We all get it,"

Add a "handheld" kicker

I replaced the standard message with 'Sent from a handheld, so please excuse terseness and typos.'"


How to Wear Neutrals via Allure

Sure, there are plenty of bright colors on the runways this season, but beige, camel, brown, gray, navy, and white can be worn in fresh new ways. Here's how to do it.

Mix them up

Rather than wearing on color from head to toe,, combine shades from the same family. For instance, try mixing chocolate brown with caramel and cream or navy with charcoal and black.

Choose the right accents

Accessorize with autumnal shades, such as oxblood red, ochre, forest green, or burgundy.

Use structure

In the absence of pattern and color, tailored pieces have a much bigger impact. For instance, look for wide-leg trousers, higher waists, or skirts and dresses detailed with a few pleats.

Textures

Dresses, skirts, and sweaters made with a combination of suede, leather, and wool--all in the same neutral tone--look amazing right now. Or add texture with ribbed tights, a belt, or pieces made with felted wool.


How to Buy Clothes Online via Allure

What to Buy On Sale
Stay ahead of the curve
You actually have a good chance of scoring fashion-forward pieces before they hit the mainstream. We've sold jumpsuits at markdowns for a couple seasons, but only now are they everywhere.

Keep and open mind
You might not find the quintessential Burberry trench on sale, but you can find one in a modified style or color at a discount. You'll have a staple, and it wont look like everyone else's.

Go big
Evening gowns are great to buy on sale, since they're less trend-driven and start out being expensive.

Skip the small stuff
Bags, belts, and wallets stick around from season to season and rarely go on sale.


What to Spring for at Full Price
Think long term
If you see beautiful, classic pieces--the perfect cashmere scarf in oatmeal or black; simple ankle boots or oxford shoes--get them. Those rarely show up on sale later.

Make a statement
On the flip side, I spring for that single, standout piece that will inspire the way I dress for an entire season. Recently we had a right yellow, off-the-shoulder sweater by Thakoon that flew out of the store. People went crazy for the unusual color and easy, drapey silhouette. When you see something like that, you have to act.

Track it down
The Internet is a great tool for locating that bag you love but can't find in a certain color. You'll usually see a full range of hues online, but probably at full price.


What to Buy at a Flash Sale
Be prepared
Flash sales are great for designers you love whose clothes might ordinarily be out of your price range. Check a site's calendar so you know what's coming. Use themed sales--such as "casual Fridays" or "the statement necklace"--to discover new designers, but focus on silhouettes that you know work for you.

Know yourself
Don't buy something just because it's in style or drastically reduced in price--it should always be something you'll really use. If you're the kind of person who carries your life in your bag, go for roomy, sturdy totes, not delicate clutches.

When in doubt, click
If there's an item you're debating, stick it in your cart while you mull it over. If you see something you want in someone else's cart, keep refreshing your screen in case it resurfaces.

How to Look Awake via Allure

Interview with Peter Philips, creative director for Chanel makeup

Before fashion shows, we constantly need to make tired models look fresh and awake in very little time. The answer is not to pile on makeup--it's no use little tricks to bring color back to the skin and brighten the features.
  • Take a moment: First, I like to massage cream on the models. It's a great base for makeup, and it relaxes them, which instantly improves how they look.
  • Keep it light: Models don't have to look perfect for loner than a catwalk moment--and they have the advantage of good lighting. In real life, too much makeup can look chalky, so stick to a lightweight foundation, such as Chanel Vitalumiere Aqua: if you need a heavier formula, apply just a thin layer. And avoid too much powder which can make skin look dull.
  • Get the red out: Line the inner rims of the eyes with a beige pencil, which covers up redness. And always curl your lashes to open up your eyes.
  • Warm up: Pink and peach blush will enliven your skin tone, while anything with beige tones does the opposite. Apply it right on the apples of your cheeks, and dust it lightly on the tip of your nose and under your chin. This makes it look like you've been outside.
  • Go sheer: Stay away from matte or opaque lipsticks, and choose shades that add a hint of color and shine--natural but not so neutral that they blend into your face.

How to Camouflage Your Roots via Allure

If your roots are showing and your next appointment with a colorist is still weeks away, these tricks will make them much less noticeable.
  • Play the part: When your hair is down, your part is the biggest giveaway for roots. A messy part helps disguise the stark difference in color. Start by styling your hair as usual, then flip your head over and come up slowly, so all your hair hangs forward. Push your hair out of your face gently, letting it fall naturally. Your part will be uneven, and your roots won't stand out as much.
  • Add volume: If you wear your hair up, pulling it back tightly brings attention to the contrast in color. Keep it loose with lots of volume and texture instead. First, tease your roots a bit--this creates a little height and pushes your color closer to your scalp. Make a deep side part and gather your hair into a messy chignon at the nape of your neck.
  • Try a braid: Little braids bring all the colors together and create shadows, so dark roots look like lowlights. Try a thin brain along your hairline, or twist sections of hair on either side of your part and secure them with bobby pins.
  • Cover up: Root-touch-up kits work when you apply them correctly. Whether it's a mascara want or a brush, hold your hair up straight and paint in an upward motion from the roots. Then smudge the dye down into the hair shaft with your fingers so it blends.

How to Remove Your Makeup via Allure

Everyone likes a fresh start. If you want to wake up with clean, glowing skin, then you absolutely must take off all your makeup.
  • Don't be childish: I cringe when I see women using baby wipes to remove their makeup. Those do not get the job done, and when I tell women this, they say, "But baby skin is so sensitive, this must be good form y face." Well, a baby's butt isn't covered in makeup that requires special ingredients for proper removal.
  • Go easy: The process of taking off your makeup should be gentle and shoud never leave your skin dehydrated or irritated. That's why I like to use a cleansing oil, which won't dry out your face. Using your fingers, swipe a small amount of oil across your lids, eyebrows, and lips, and then lightly massage it all over your face. This will soften your skin and loosen the makeup, so youd on't have to rub like crazy. Then take a flat, square cotton pad--I like these better than the balls, which can be rough--and pour a little cleansing oil on it. Go over the same spots again, being careful not to scrub back and forth. Just skin the surface in one direction and pull up the color.
  • Consider the eyes: When you wear waterproof mascara, swa the cleansing oil fo ra waterproof-eye-makeup remover. Otherwise you'll hae to rub so hard to loosen the color that your lashes will break. Soak a pad with remover, press down softly on the lashes for a few seconds so the formula soaks in, and then slowly move the pad across the eyes. This technique also works for long-lasting lipstick.

Mood Articles

A Good Cry?

Most people believe that crying will make them feel better, but in many instances, it doesn't, a team of psychologists in the United States and the Netherlands have found. The researchers asked 97 women to keep diaries about their crying and mood for about two months. The majority of the women--60 percent--reported feeling the same after they cried as before, and 9 percent felt worse. Not surprisingly, those who were prone to negative moods shed tears the most, and those with frequently shifting moods felt like crying more than others. In these cases, weepy episodes generally led to wa worse mood and seemed to produce no benefit, the psychologists say. Interestingly, the 30 percent of women who did have a cathartic cy tended to weep more intensely--big sobs that did not necessarily last long--and they were more likely to be with one other person while they cried. "Don't expect crying by itself to bring relief," says study coauthor Jonathan Rottenberg, associate professor of psychology at the University of South Florida in Tampa. "Crying can be helpful if it spurs you to get help from a supportive person."


The Biggest Losers

People who are in the process of losing weight may find it satisfying to focus on what they've accomplished so far, but that won't necessarily help them shed remaining pounds, a study suggests. More effective is to keep a weight-loss goal fixed in their mind, according to Kyle E. Conlon, a doctoral student tin psychology at Florida State University in Tallahassee. He and his colleagues studied 109 overweight people who volunteered for a 12-week weight-loss program. One group received instruction to focus on their objectives, another group concentrated on what they had achieved so far, and a third group wasn't urged in either direction. Those who kept their goal in mind were most successful--losing 4.6% of their body weight, on average, compared with 2.66% for the accomplishment-oriented group and 2.21% for the unguided participants. Attention on achievement alone can decrease motivation, the researchers conclude.


Clearer Thinking

When a complex decision is required, distraction can help. In research led by Loran F. Nordgren, a professor at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois, people were instructed to make a complicated choice. Some had to do so immediately, others got to deliberate, and another group pondered the task and then solved anagrams before reaching a decision. Among this last group, 57% came to the smartest decision, versus 29% of the dedicated thinkers and 15% of the fast responders. A temporary shift in focus after considering all the possibilities improved people's ability to take into account large amounts of information, the researchers say.


Happiness Strategy

People who flourish in life--they feel good, contribute, and excel--are distinguished by a key trait: They get a bigger boost than other people from ordinary pleasurable events. Barbara L. Fredrickson, a psychologist at the University of North Caroline at Chapel Hill, and a collaborator, Lahnna I. Catalino, tested 208 men and women who fit into three descending categories of well-being; flourisher, nonflourisher, and depressed. They found that flourishers tended to report the highest positive responses to activities known to promote good feelings (such as helping, interacting, playing, and learning). Flourishers experienced a 160% higher lift in mood while helping people, for example. Moreover, that reaction was associated with greater awareness of positive internal and external sensations, "like the feeling of water hitting your body in the shower or the sound of a bird chirping outside," Catalino says--as well as the ability to avoid getting overwhelmed by distressing experiences. And this seems to enhance well-being, the researchers explain. Practicing meditation could promote this kind of heightened awareness and nonreactivity, Catalino says.


Open Minded

Can something as simple as twisting on a faucet or spinning the wheel on an iPod have a psychological impact New research suggests so. In a study led by Sascha Topolinski of the University of Wuerzberg in Germany, people rotated an object the same direction with both hands, then answered questions about their interest in novel experiences. The participants who had been assigned to a clockwise direction scored higher in openness--which is linked with creativity--than did those assigned to counterclockwise. Similarly, people who were shown jelly beans on a lazy Susan that circled to the right preferred unusual flavors (such as popcorn or gum) 44% percent more than people whose tray turned leftward. The results are strange, but significant--and they suggest that making clockwise motions when stirring or doodling might promote being adventurous or inventive, Topolinski says.


Envy Drain

Envy hurts--in more ways than one. Sarah E. Hill, a psychologist at Texas Christian University in Forth Worth, and her colleagues showed volunteers written interviews and photographs of two people of their own gender. Later, when the participants were asked to recall these people's names, 71% of those who had viewed people who were very attractive and wealthy were accurate, versus 54% of those who had seen average types. Yet when everyone was given an impossible word challenge to solve, those who'd remembered the gorgeous and rich people's names gave up much sooner. In theory, focusing on enviable people might be useful for achieving similar success, the researchers say--but this investment of mental resources may diminish the capacity for willpower or persistence in other areas.


Perfect Present

There's a simple solution to the angst of giving gifts, research suggests. Studies involving hundreds of participants, conducted by psychologists at the business schools of Harvard and Stanford, reveal that people prefer gifts that they have explicitly asked for, no matter the occasion. In one survey, researchers Francesca Gino and Francis J. Flynn found that married people most appreciated the wedding presents they had requested. In general, people reported that getting a present they asked for felt more personal and considerate than receiving something else. There was one exception to the findings, though. When the gift given was money, even though it hadn't been solicited, recipients liked that better than anything on their list.


Meditation Payoff

A brief amount of meditation experience can produce brain changes linked with improved mood--the same effect previously associated with 70 or more hours of intensive practice. In a study headed by Christopher A. Moyer, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin-Stout in Menomonie, Wisconsin, researchers took EEG readings of the brain waves of 21 men and women before half the volunteers began a meditation training program. The program consisted of a five minute meditation with the following instructions: Relax with your eyes closed and focus on the flow of your breath at the tip of your nose; if a random thoughts rise, acknowledge it and then gently bring your attention back to your breath. This practice led to positive brain changes when done an average of 5 to 16 minutes a day. They then progressed from 5 to 20 minutes of focused attention The participants were encouraged to attend two session a week as well as to practice on their own. After five weeks, repeat EEGs revealed a substantial difference in brain waves between new meditators and the control group. Specifically, the electrical activity in the left frontal region of the brain was much greater, a pattern associated with positive moods. Some people may be disinclined to meditate because they think it would involve a daunting amount of time and effort before they see any benefit, but his research suggests otherwise, Moyer notes. During the program, brain patterns shifted among new meditators within seven hours of practice time on average, he and his colleagues found.


Lucky in Love

Couples who support each other's self-improvement goals not only have better relationships, but also become more successful individually. At the University of Auckland in New Zealand, psychologist Nickola Overall and her coworkers studied 47 couples. Over the yearlong study, having a partner who offered emotional encouragement or action-oriented help regarding personal aspirations (such as increasing physical fitness or improving finances) boosted one's success as well as satisfaction in the relationship. But being with someone who was critical, controlling, or dismissive of a goal's importance led to higher rates of failure and unhappiness--even if the partner also demonstrated the more positive hypes of support, the study found.


Younger Hair

For some women, the hair salon is an anti-aging salon. Ellen Langer, professor of psychology at Harvard University, and her colleagues studied women, ages 27 to 83, as they got a cut, color, or both, and found that 45% of them believed they looked younger afterward. Among this group, blood pressure dropped. And judges who saw before-and-after images of all the women consistently rated this group as more youthful in their "after shots, in contrast to the others--even though the pictures were cropped so the hair didn't show. Feeling younger can contribute to physical changes and improved health, the researchers say.


Happiness Envy

There is cheering news for those who feel alone in their suffering: People routinely overestimate others' happiness. In studies by psychology researchers at Stanford University, survey respondents underestimated the darker feelings of other participants, including close friends, and they overestimated the likelihood that others had recently had positive experiences such as attending a fun party. The more they failed to perceive others' miseries, the less satisfaction they reported. People tend to act cheerful when socializing in person and online, which can play a role in these misperceptions, the researchers say. Those in the study reported having hid unhappy emotions in 40% of their recent interactions.


Looking Powerful

Using body language that communicates power makes people feel and act more in command, according to research led by Dana R. Carney, assistant professor of management at Columbia University. For two minutes, one group made "low power" gestures: crossing their arms and legs or holding their arms to their sides. Another group made expansive "high power" motions: standing with their arms braced wide on a table or sitting with their feet on a desk and their hands clasped behind their heads. In the dominant-posture group, testosterone production increased and the stress hormone cortisol dropped, while the opposite occurred in the group with weaker stances. Those who posed powerfully were also more likely to say they felt in charge and to take an opportunity to double their money a gambling task. Evolutionarily, such gestures prepare animals and humans to face a challenge, the study authors note.


Strokes of Luck

People who have recently achieved enviable good fortune are more likely than others to act magnanimously. In a study headed by Niels van de Ven, a social psychologist at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, some people receive money after completing a task while seeing that a partner did not; another group all got shares equal to their partners'. When the participants went to claim the reward, their partner (actually a researcher) tipped over a pile of erasers. Only 10% of those who believed they'd received equivalent money helped them pick them up, versus nearly four times as many of those who thought they'd been singularly rewarded. This suggests that winners act more considerate because they want to appease those who envy them, van de Ven concludes.


Emotional Outlet

For those seeking to feel better about a difficult experience, an envelope will help. That's what Xiuping Li assistant professor of marketing at the business school of the National University of Singapore, demonstrated with colleagues at City University of Hong Kong and the University of Toronto. In one experiment, 40 women wrote for ten minutes about a strong desire that had not been satisfied. Half of them placed the document in an envelope before giving it to a researcher, while the others simply handed in their paper. Afterward, the participants in the envelope group reported feeling less anxious, sad, and dissatisfied than the others. Similarly, people who sealed a news article about an upsetting even in an envelope recalled fewer details about the incident and felt less distressed. "Seeing emotionally laden items enveloped may provide a sense of taking control," the researchers comment.


Office Gossipers

Women who gossip at work are shaping their own reputations along with those of the people they're discussing. Despite their tendency to be at the center of social networks, gossiping women are seen as less warm than others, according to a poll of 129 men and women conducted by Sally Farley, a psychologist at the University of Baltimore, and her colleagues. The participants also believed that female coworkers who regularly contribute negative information about people have a greater need for control than infrequent gossipers. Other research has shown that gossipers wield influence by dispensing or withholding information, "selectively revealing tidbits about others in status-enhancing ways," Farley notes. The increase in power that women get from gossiping may jeopardize their likability, Farley surmises.


Knowing Looks

The personalities of beautiful people are easier to read than those of individuals with less physical appeal, according to psychology researchers at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver. Volunteers talked briefly in small groups, then completed surveys about the others' looks and traits (including extroversion, agreeableness, emotional stability, and conscientiousness), as well as about their own character. The first impressions made of people tended to agree with their self-assessments much more when they were considered good-looking. Even those whose appearance wasn't widely admired still gained this advantage with people who liked their looks. The researchers posit that people are more motivated to get to know those whom they find attractive.


Stress Production

When life deals upsetting blows, a simple strategy may protect your emotionally, says Allison S. Try, a psychology researcher at the University of Denver. She and her colleagues showed sad film clips to 78 women who were experiencing ongoing stress. During one of them, the researchers asked each woman to come up with a positive perspective about the emotional events shown (such as lessons the characters could learn or good outcomes that might result), a technique called cognitive reappraisal. Among the women with the most stress who were best at reappraising, this practice was linked with lower levels of depression. Fortunately, cognitive reappraisal can likely be learned or strengthened with practice, Troy says.


Breast Choices

When a woman with breast cancer needs to decide on her treatment, a form of support and involvement in the process can positively affect her body image and mood months later. A study at the University of Munich, headed by psychologist Andrea Vodermaier, included 111 breast-cancer patients. Half the women were assigned to what was called a "decision aid" group: Before determining their treatment with a doctor, they met for 20 minutes with a researcher who explained their options, indicated how each related to their situation, and encouraged them to participate in decisions with their physician. Finally, the researcher made sure the patients understood all that had been discussed and gave them a brochure that summarized the information. A year later, the women who'd had this session before receiving chemotherapy felt better about their bodies than the women who had received no intervention. The assisted group also felt less conflicted about the course of treatment they had chosen and engaged in less brooding, and this seemed to improve their adjustment to physical changes from cancer, the study authors say. Some similar support is available online, such as the Breast Cancer Treatment Decision Tool at cancer.org.


Stronger Willpower

Clenching muscles is an effective way to strengthen willpower, according to researchers at the business schools of the University of Chicago and the National University of Singapore. When volunteers held one hand in painfully cold ice water, those who tightly clasped a pen in their fee hand endured the ordeal for 127 seconds on average, compared with an average of 73 seconds for a control group. Researchers Aparna Labroo and Iris Hung found that tightening muscles--it doesn't matter which ones--must occur at the same time as the challenging effort, rather than right before, and that having internal motivation to achieve the goal is also key to success.


Thin Inspiration

Prolonged exposure to images of glamourous, thin women in the media can change female viewer's body image--for the better. This finding, which contradicts many short-term studies that produced opposite results, emerged from research led by Silvia Knobloch-Westerwick, associate professor of communication at the Ohio State University in Columbus. After 140 women looked at 80 pages from magazines that featured models or celebrities, some participants were told to compare their bodies to those shown. Everyone read the pages over five days; three days later, those who had been exposed only to thin, beautiful women rated their own body image higher than they did at the start of the study. The researchers found that the participants--especially heavier ones who compared themselves to the thin women--had begun to diet and exercise. Seeing "magazine pages with thin body ideals appears to induce behavior changes and, as a result, increases body satisfaction," they say. Other studies that assessed immediate reactions to images may not reflect the way women respond to motivational articles and pictures over time, they add.


Attractive Outlooks

A woman's attitude about her life influences how attractive she seems, according to research headed by Tyler Stillman, a psychologist at Southern Utah University in Cedar City, Utah. He and his colleagues surveyed men and women about their sense of meaning in life, videotaped pairs of them, and showed brief footage to a group of judges. The stronger the participants' clear purpose in life (whatever that meant to each of them), the more likeable they were considered to be. This held true regardless of their scores in measures of self-esteem, happiness, openness, or spirituality. Everybody wanted to get to know the most good-looking people, but "for participants who were of average of below average attractiveness, having a strong sense of meaning made them significantly more appealing," the researchers report.


Exercise Enjoyment

Many people claim they don't enjoy exercising. But before a workout, people underestimate the pleasure they'll derive from it, research at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada, has shown. Before starting an hour-long workout session, exercisers at gym predicted on a scale of one to ten how much they expected to enjoy themselves. They would up having significantly more fun than they had expected, regardless of exercise intensity, and this was consistent for cardio, yoga, and Pilates classes. People focus disproportionately on the unpleasantness of getting a workout under way, psychology researcher Matthew Ruby and his colleagues found. When the study participants predicted their enjoyment of the warm-up, main activity, and cool down separately, thereby diverting their attention from the initial effort, they reported greater expectations of satisfaction, as well as stronger intentions to exercise regularly.


Cold Risk

People who are depressed may have an increased chance of catching colds. Hwa-Cheol Kim, a researcher at Inha University in South Korea, led a team that surveyed 1,350 people. Although roughly half of them said they'd had cold symptoms in the past four months, the incidence was much higher among those who six months earlier had reported signs of depression, such as sadness, guilt, sleep and eating changes, trouble concentrating, and loss of energy. The researchers say that depression may cause changes in the immune system that can increase susceptibility to colds.


Smart Mistakes

People's ability to fix their mistakes has as much to do with their beliefs about learning and intelligence as their intellect. When study participants spotted errors they'd made on a test, those who believed that intelligence can be improved with effort--rather than fixed early in life--had greater brain activity associated with the desire to the correct problem, and they performed better, according to Jason S. Moser, an assistant professor of psychology  at Michigan State University, and his colleagues. Other research on people with this outlook (described in the book Mindset by Carol Dweck) suggests that they tend to see mistakes as learning opportunities instead of personal failures, Moser says.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Health Tips

What's more important for heart health--diet or exercise?

That's like asking a mother which child she loves most, joked Lori Mosca, M.D., director of preventative cardiology at New York-Presbyterian Hospital, when I put this question to her. A healthy diet and exercise improve cholesterol and lower blood pressure and blood sugar--all factors that play a role in heart disease. You can start small, says Dr. Mosca: A few laps around your office or dropping your daily caramel latte can make a difference.


The Spice of Life

Cinnamon may have benefits beyond jazzing up your favorite hot cereal. A new scientific review found that regular users of the aromatic spice experienced declines in total and LDL cholesterol and triglycerides, along with a slight boost in HDL levels. The daily "dose"?? As little as a small sprinkling (less than 1/8 teaspoon) could be enough for some people; for others, it takes up to 2 1/2 teaspoons. For the higher amounts, you may want to reach for a supplement, not the spice jar.


Eat-Well Equation

Grilled fish and veggies may seem more appealing once you consider the time and sweat it'll take to work off that fried chicken entrée. When dinners were given menus that included the minutes of brisk walking needed to burn off each item, they ate about 100 fewer calories than when menus offered no extra intel. Listing calorie counts alone (also tested in the study) didn't help people restrain themselves, so better to think about your favorite treats in terms of exercise costs.


Don't Think and Drive

Intense thought (like mulling over a work crisis) is as dangerous behind the wheel as fatigue or chatting on a cell phone. In a French Study, half of drivers reported that their minds had not been on the road when a crash occurred, and 17% of accident causers had been pondering highly distracting topics (compared with 9% of those injured in wrecks that weren't their fault).


Maintaining any five of these seven healthy behaviors--getting regular exercise, eating a good diet, controlling your weight, not smoking, and having normal BP, cholesterol, and glucose levels--drops cancer risk 39%.


Light Weight

Sleeping in complete darkness may help prevent weight gain and depression, research suggests. Over eight weeks, mice exposed to dim lighting at night--the equivalent of leaving on a television, computer, or adjacent bathroom light--gained 50% more weight than mice in total darkness, despite similar caloric intakes and activity levels. And hamsters subjected to nighttime light experienced a rise in depressive behaviors. The light may throw off the biological clock and increase nighttime eating, says researcher Laura Fonken, a doctoral student at Ohio State University in Columbus. If the findings hold rue for humans, she adds, people may benefit from a consistent sleep schedule and window curtains or sleep masks.


Stealth Dieting

There's an effective way to cut calories in a meal without feeling deprived, a study demonstrates. Researchers served 41 volunteers breakfast, lunch, snacks, and dinner on three occasions; each time they provided the same meals, but the main dishes contained different amounts of steamed and pureed carrots, squash, or cauliflower. When given a dish that was 25% vegetables compared with one that had none, the participants consumed 360 fewer daily calories on average but reported no differences in hunger, and fewer than half realized that the dishes had been altered. "Even people who don't particularly like vegetables didn't notice they were there and liked the food just as much," notes Barbara Rolls, professor of nutritional sciences at Pennsylvania State University and author of The Volumetrics Eating Plan. However, you don't need to puree the vegetables in order to get the benefit, she adds.


Sleep and Exercise

Contrary to common belief, exercising before bedtime does not disrupt sleep, recent studies have found. Finnish scientists monitored 11 young adults in a sleep laboratory. On one night, they instructed the volunteers to ride a stationary bike within three hours of bedtime until they were exhausted; on another night, everyone simply rested before bed. The participants had significantly higher heart rates during the night they exercised, but despite this physiological arousal, there was no apparent detriment to sleep quality--in fact, they fell asleep faster and had slightly more deep sleep. A Belgian study of nine volunteers who rode an exercise bike for 60 minutes within two hours of bedtime produced similar results. The research involved only people who generally had untroubled sleep, but late workouts might actually benefit people with mild sleep problems, says researcher Daniel Berckmans, a professor of bioscience engineering at Katholieke Universiteit Leuven, a university in Belgium. After engaging in physical activity, the body experiences faster heat loss, which helps speed up the onset of sleep, Berckmans explains.


Sleep Clocks

Many women's circadian rhythms are shorter than average, making it difficult to stay up late. Researchers at Harvard Medical School studied 157 volunteers who spent several weeks in a laboratory shielded from cues about the time of day. 35% of women had an intrinsic daily cycle that lasted less than 24 hours, causing their bedtimes to keep drifting earlier, versus only 14% of men. Besides preferring earlier bedtimes, women with fast clocks may complain of waking up too early, says lead author Jeanne Duffy, associate neuroscientists at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston It's hard to fight these biological tendencies over the long term, but increasing light exposure in the evening and reducing it in the morning should help, Duffy says.


Hunger Games

A woman's mind-set while eating may influence her metabolism, surprising research has shown. People who drank 380-calorie milkshake experienced a greater decline in levels of the appetite-stimulating hormone ghrelin when they were told it was a 620-calorie "indulgent" shake than when they were told it was a 140-calorie "sensible" one. Lower ghrelin levels promote weight loss by curing hunger and increasing the rate at which calories are burned, says the study's lead author; Alia J. Crum, a researcher in psychology at Yale University. She advises dieters to get into an "indulgent mind-set." For example, don't focus on the fact that a salad is healthy; instead focus on its decadent aspects, such as the dressing or cheese.


Flat Belly Strategy

The fight belly fat, women should focus on aerobic exercise and a healthy diet rather than strength or abdominal training. In an eight-month study of overweight, initially sedentary people, jogging 12 miles per week reduced abdominal fat, but weight lifting--either alone or combined with jogging--had no impact, according to Cris Slentz, an exercise physiologist at Duke University in Durham, North Carolina, and his colleagues. In another study, published in the Journal of Strength Conditioning Research, healthy but inactive volunteers who committed to 75 minutes of abdominal exercises such as sit-ups weekly for six weeks had no reduction in belly or total fat compared with an untrained group. Resistance training increases muscle mass, but, contrary to popular belief, it does not boost one's metabolism enough to reduce fat mass, Slentz says.


Hair-Loss Risks

Hair loss in women is more related to environmental factors than to genetics, according to a 2009 study, and the latest research pinpoints some surprising contributors. Among 49 pairs of identical female twins, divorced or separated women had greater thinning than their stably married twins, which probably has to do with stress and its effect on hormones, says Bahman Guyuron, a professor of plastic surgery at Case Western Serve University in Cleveland. Self-reported stress was found to increase the risk of hair loss, as was smoking, high blood pressure, and excessive sleep (more than eight hours a night); regularly consuming caffeine, exercising wearing hats, and using sunscreen reduced risks. Excessive sleep may increase testosterone--which is known to cause balding in women--and caffeine may inhibit the hormone's ill effects on hair follicles, Guyuron speculates. Sun damage appears to accelerate hair loss, he notes.

Step Up Your Energy

Instead of downing another cup o' joe when you feel the afternoon slump, find a staircase. A new University of Georgia study found that walking up and down stairs for 10 minutes at an easy to moderate pace gave people more energy than consuming 50 milligrams of caffeine. Researchers believe that when the brain releases feel-good neurotransmitters during exercise, it also activates neural circuits that give you an energy rush. 

Start You Morning Right

The early bird gets the . . . best sleep? Maybe. People exposed to bright light during the morning hours fell asleep father in the evening, reported feeling less depressed, and had fewer sleep disturbances than those who soaked up less, according to a study in the journal Sleep Health. So take a stroll outside in the a.m., or work near a window or a light box.

A Better Health Measurement

Chances are you've heard about body mass index (BMI), an approximation of body far. But BMI doesn't take into account how much of your weight is due to muscle mass; many doctors now consider the waist-to-hip ratio a more accurate way to assess your health. In fact, a study in the Annals of Internal Medicine found that compared with a high BMI, a high waist-to-hip ratio was a better predictor of whether a person was likely to die in the next 10 years. Here's how to find your ratio:

1. Stand up straight, exhale, then wrap a tape measure around your waist at its smallest point. Note the number.

2. Next, wrap the tape measure around your hips at the widest point. Write down the number.

3. Divide your waist number by your hip number. For women, a healthy target is 0.85, while a 1 or higher puts you at a greater risk of heart disease and stroke. Talk to your doctor if your number is in the high range. 

Bad Weather Preparation via Better Homes and Gardens

Quick-hit checklist of items to have on hand in the event of an emergency:

1. Flashlight and a portable battery-operated lantern
2. Battery powered or hand-crank radio
3. Extra batteries
4. First aid kit and a 7-day supply of any medications or medical items that your family uses regularly
5. Extra cash--small bills in case ATMs and credit card machines aren't working
6. At least one gallon of water per person per day, enough to last two weeks
7. Foods that have an extended shelf life, like dry beans, canned tuna and salmon, pasta, dried fruit, and shelf-stable milk--enough for two weeks
8. Disposable plates, flatware, and a way to heat up canned goods, such as a small camp stove

Monday, July 18, 2016

Six Sneaky Sleep Stealers via Better Homes and Gardens

A hectic world often translates to less rest, but sleep isn't a luxury you can forgo. Not getting enough has been linked to just about every health condition, including diabetes, hypertension, and depression. Getting less than six hours of sleep is a risk factor for heart disease and the obesity epidemic. Disturbing your circadian rhythms can impact the production of hormones that help regulate your appetite and your body's storage of fat. These six unexpected culprits might be keeping you up.

1. Not winding down before bed

"Most people think they should conk out as soon as the lights go off," says Michael Breus, PhD., a clinical psychologist and sleep specialist. "But it's more like slowly pulling your foot off the gas and putting it on the brake." In other words, you need time to decompress. His advice: Set an alarm to go off at least 30 minutes before your bedtime; that's your signal to dim the lights, put on your pj's, and do anything else that help you unwind.

2. An in-your-face alarm clock

"The ideal alarm clock wouldn't even have numbers on it; it would just go off when you need it to," says Steven Feinsilver, M.D., director of the Center for Sleep Medicine at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York. Many people wake up during the night, see what time it is, and start worrying about how long they have before they need to rise and shine--which only makes them even more anxious. If you're prone to this habit, simply turn the clock around. Also, try to avoid using your smartphone as an alarm; the dings or lights of Twitter feeds and newsletters going out in the middle of the night can interrupt your sleep. Even if you turn the alerts off, having your phone right near you on the nightstand can create a sense of urgency and anxiety.

3. A nightcap

Even just one drink right before bed can impact your sleep quality and snoring, because alcohol relaxes the muscles at the back of the throat, Feinsilver explains. And, while that drink might make you relaxed or drowsy at first, the effect wears off in about two hours. At that point, many people can have what's called a rebound, and wake up tossing and turning.

4. A cheesy dinner

Most nonprocessed cheese--like cheddar, Swiss, and blue--contain tyramine, an amino acid that prompts your body to release a stimulating brain chemical called norepinephrine. "Norepinephrine constricts your blood vessels and can raise blood pressure, neither of which is conducive to sleep," says Robert Rosenberg, D.O., medical director of the Sleep Disorders Center of Prescott Valley, Arizona, and author of Sleep Soundly Every Night, Feel Fantastic Every Day. Rosenberg also recommends avoiding spicy food in the evening (it can exacerbate acid reflux), as well as fatty fare like steak and French fries. "Your body has to spend more energy to digest these foods, and it's difficult to wind down and sleep when our GI tract is working that hard," he says.

5. Getting ready for bed in bright light

"A bright overhead fixture gives off more than enough light to reduce the production of melatonin, the sleep-inducing hormone that your body produces to help you wind down," Breus says. Take the bathroom lighting down a notch by installing a night-light or dimer switch.

6. One last tweet

It's tempting to connect with your virtual social circle whenever you have a free moment, but emailing, texting, tweeting, or posting photos is an inherently stimulating activity, which revs up your nervous system. "We need to quiet our brains before bed," says Shelby Freedman Harris, PsyD., director of the Behavioral Sleep Medicine Program at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. Cozying up with your tablet or smartphone is also a problem because these devices emit blue light, which interferes with your body's production of the sleep hormone melatonin.

Tip: Sleep with a snorer? Have your bedmate face the other direction, and build a wall of pillows between you. Snoring is a sound wave, and the pillows will physically help block the acoustics.

Remedies for Rest: What works and what doesn't
  • Lavender: Yes
    • Don't expect miracles, but a few studies have shown that inhaling this soothing scent seems to improve sleep, it might activate the brain's limbic system, which plays a key role in regulating mood and emotion, Rosenberg says.
  • Chamomile tea: Maybe
    • Many people swear by this herbal tea, and it won't hurt you. Feinsilver says. But there's not much scientific proof to back it up. If tea helps calm you, Ojile says that any decaf is fine.
  • Valerian: No
    • Study results are mixed, and the herb can interact with medications including antidepressants, pain relievers, and anti-seizure drugs. Too risky.
  • Warm milk: Yes
    • Milk contains tryptophan, an amino acid that your body converts to melatonin and the calming brain chemical serotonin. Many people also simply find it comforting, and anything relaxing is good for sleep.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

The Good Kid Project: Confidence via Better Homes and Gardens

In our ever-competitive, social-media fueled world, it's easy to forget that confidence involves embracing your strengths and weaknesses, as well as developing a sense of self without being self-centered.

To lay the groundwork for kids to build their confidence, you have to show that you have faith in them. This involves giving age-appropriate responsibilities, and letting kids make--and figure out how to recover from--mistakes. Of course, children need your guidance along the way, so here's how you can create a nurturing environment that allows kids to discover and test their abilities.

Ditch Responsibilities

Accept your children for who they are, and don't compare them to other kids. If your child says, "I'm not good at...", emphasize that we're all better at some things than others, and the more you practice, the easier it gets. As I tell my girls, a world in which everyone were perfect would be pretty boring. Also, remind kids to enjoy the process of learning, rather than just honing in on the win or "getting it." When my daughter gets frustrated trying to figure out a math problem, I help her focus on the fun of the challenge, which takes some of the pressure off and enables her to persevere.

Mind Your P's and Q's

Kids pay close attention to what you say--about them, about friends and family, even about yourself. Beware of labels, and making announcements like "You're just shy" or "Sports aren't your thing." This can damage a child's sense of self, , discourage healthy risk-taking, and even become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Also make a real effort not to put yourself down in front of your child. If you do make a mistake, frame the situation empathetically and proactively ("I messed up; next time I will...") rather than judgmentally ("I'm so stupid").

Support Self-Expression

Encouraging children to convey both positive and negative feelings helps them tap into and control their emotions, which enables them to be articulate and to feel secure in their own thoughts and opinions--and that's what confidence is all about.

Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

The Good Kid Project: Self-Reliance via Better Homes and Gardens

Fostering independence is truly a balancing act: Children need--and want--rules to follow, but if we hover over their every move, we prevent them from developing a sense of trust in themselves, their judgment, and their ability to recover from mistakes. Teaching self-reliance involves giving kids firm guidelines, as well as the room to apply and even test them. Remember, it's normal for kids, especially teenagers, to challenge parents' authority: This is part of what helps them hone their decision-making skills. Use these strategies as a starting point.

Give Kids Responsibilities

Children of all ages can take on tasks that will help boost their sense of self-worth and autonomy. Younger kids can fold and put away laundry and help clear the dishes. As children move into their teens, they might mow the lawn, walk the dog, or even get an age-appropriate job. Involve kids in deciding on their duties, and be explicit about what's required; your idea of clean might not mirror theirs. Don't forget to establish clear-cut consequences for not finishing, and stick to them. You can give praise, but use it to prompt kids to take pride in their own hard work. For example, when my daughter cleans her room, I say, "Wow, how does spending time to organize your toys so well make you feel?"

Let Them Problem-Solve

Be a guide, not a "fixer," as your children confront challenges. Instead of just offering solutions, help them think things through by asking open-ended questions like, "What do you think would be a good way to handle that situation?" "How would that approach affect you, your friends, and family?" When things don't turn out the way a child envisioned, ask: "What went into your decisions? What might be a different tactic to try next time?"

Make Room for Mistakes

We're so afraid to let our kids fail, yet recovering from slip-ups, big and small, is a prime building block of self-reliance. Encourage healthy risk-taking, such as trying out for a new team or taking a challenging class, and reframe the concept of "failure" as a chance to learn and improve. Assure your children that their efforts, and how they bounce back, are what really matter.

Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD.